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Your “Cybersecurity Best Practices” Are Probably Just Security Theater I once took down an entire payment processing cluster because I thought I was being clever with iptables. We were trying to implement “cybersecurity best” practices—specifically, egress filtering. I pushed a script to 400 nodes that blocked all outbound traffic except for a whitelist of IPs. … Read more

INCIDENT REPORT #882-B: THE DAY THE ‘AI’ FORGOT HOW TO DO MATH. [2023-10-24 03:14:22] ERROR: worker-7 terminated with signal 9 (SIGKILL) [2023-10-24 03:14:23] Traceback (most recent call last): File "/opt/analytics/smart_scaler_v2.py", line 442, in <module> model.fit(X_train, y_train) File "/usr/local/lib/python3.11/site-packages/sklearn/utils/_set_output.py", line 140, in wrapped data_to_wrap = f(self, X, *args, **kwargs) File "/usr/local/lib/python3.11/site-packages/sklearn/linear_model/_base.py", line 678, in fit X, … Read more

Your JavaScript Code is Killing Your Infrastructure (And You’re Probably Fine With It) It was 3:14 AM on a Tuesday in 2019. I was the on-call SRE for a fintech startup that processed payments via api.stripe.com. Suddenly, PagerDuty started screaming. Our main API gateway—a Node.js service—was hitting 95% memory utilization across 40 pods. Then the … Read more

AWS is Just Someone Else’s Data Center (And Why You’re Paying Too Much for It) It was 3:14 AM on a Tuesday when my PagerDuty went off. The alert was a generic TargetResponseTime high on our main production ALB. I logged in, eyes blurry, and saw that our NAT Gateway was processing 4.5 Gbps of … Read more

The smell of ozone and stale coffee is the only thing that stays the same. It was 03:14 AM on a Tuesday in 2014. I was standing in a data center in Secaucus, the floor tiles vibrating under my boots from the sheer CFM of the cooling fans. We had a cluster of HP ProLiant … Read more

text $ node -v v14.17.0 (Warning: Node.js version is end-of-life. Security patches are non-existent.) $ npm audit ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ Scanning 2,482 dependencies for vulnerabilities… Critical: 14 High: 89 Moderate: 156 Low: 412 Run npm audit fix to do absolutely nothing because the dependency tree is a circular nightmare of peer-dependency conflicts. $ vite build vite v2.9.15 … Read more

The pager didn’t just beep. It screamed. It’s a specific frequency—somewhere between a dying hawk and a car alarm—that PagerDuty reserves for the kind of “Priority 0” events that end careers. I swiped the screen with a thumb that was shaking more from a lack of sleep than from fear. 03:14:22 UTC. Error Code: AADSTS7000222 … Read more

Listen, kid. Sit down. Stop clicking that mechanical keyboard for a second and look at me. You’ve got that look in your eyes—the one where you think you’ve stumbled upon the Promethean fire of infrastructure. You just asked me, with a straight face and a heart full of hope, what is Kubernetes? You think it’s … Read more

It’s 03:14 AM. The pager is screaming, and the cluster is a graveyard of CrashLoopBackOffs. Here is exactly how we got here and why your “standard” setup is a liability. I’m staring at a terminal window that looks like a crime scene. The junior dev—let’s call him Dave, because it’s always a Dave—pushed a “minor” … Read more